‍Why do confidence, empathy and vulnerability matter?

You will not be alone if you are asking yourself questions like, “Why are empathy and vulnerability important to my personal development?” or, “What exactly is empathy?” or “Why is showing vulnerability a positive rather than a weakness?”
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When confidence, empathy and vulnerability are practised they help foster better connections between people by building trust. In a career context, having trust enables better work to be done more efficiently. And that makes everyone happier.
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Confidence. Building up confidence develops resilience which enables you to bounce back, learn from and share failures (i.e. being vulnerable), and to move on. Confidence allows you to take action to make changes in your career, and most importantly, it inspires belief. If you believe in someone you are more likely to trust them. The key point here is, the manner in which you go about your work and how you come across to others are as much the keys to success as just doing good work.
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Empathy. By putting yourself in another’s shoes to really listen and try to understand what they are experiencing, you will improve your connection to them. True empathy practice is not acting as a helper or trying to fix something for someone but talking with them as an equal, holding their hand in a metaphorical sense and supporting them as they wade through their particular challenge.

‍Vulnerability. By opening up and sharing your less than brilliant experiences you are practising vulnerability. You will further a connection and build trust by being honest and open about problems or difficult times. It takes confidence to do this and a lot of thought about who best to share with.

None of this is easy, even for those of us who are naturally more confident, empathetic or more comfortable with sharing personal information. It requires a conscious choice to practise these skills.

The trust trinity

Confidence, empathy and vulnerability go hand in hand. A person has the courage, or confidence, to open up and share a painful experience and the listener empathises.
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Sometimes, if the situation warrants it, the exchanges are reciprocal. Imagine for a second, you share a difficult problem you are facing that doesn’t portray you in a favourable light.
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Think about how it would feel to have the person you’ve chosen to share with, say to you, “I understand. Here’s my story, you are not alone.” It would feel pretty good, right? Better than that. It’s powerful. They hear you, they acknowledge your experience and they open up in return. The trust and connection you have instantly moves up a gear or two.
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And for those of us for whom this just doesn’t come naturally, the good news is, confidence, empathy and vulnerability are all skills meaning they can be learnt, practised and improved.
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Here are some tips to get you going. And it all starts with a little look inward.

Self-kindness. Try starting with a little self-compassion. Compassion spreads quickly. When we are kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that can extend to others. What we mean here is, try to dial down the inner critic and make an effort to keep the self-talk positive.  
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You are not alone. Suffering and feelings of personal inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. Don’t be so quick to judge yourself or others, instead, try to operate from a place of “We’re all doing the best we can.”  This will help you open up about your imperfections.
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Mindfulness. Take a balanced approach to your negative emotions so that feelings are neither suppressed nor exaggerated. Mindfulness requires that we do not over identify with thoughts and feelings to the point that we are caught up and swept away by negativity or catastrophizing. If you can bring this awareness into how you respond to your own negative experiences, it will be of help to others during difficult conversations.
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Recognise your successes. We tend to define success in a narrow way and are too hard on ourselves. Each month we suggest noting down three successes you’ve had at work, three you’ve had at home and three in helping others (in and out of work) to succeed. Regularly writing your achievements will make you reflect on them, broaden your understanding of your value and boost your confidence.

Word up!

For everyone reading this, from the full on empaths to the stiff upper lippers, we recommend getting a few words together to repeat to yourself when the pressure is on and you are feeling small, vulnerable or lacking in confidence.
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Brené Brown, author and thought-leader on inviting greater courage, compassion and connection into our lives has her own mantra for when self-doubt comes knocking.

By repeating to herself, “Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.” she is telling herself to not make herself small so that other people feel comfortable and to not throw on the armour as a way to protect herself.
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Wise words indeed.

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